Photo taken at Great Sand Dunes National Park, CO, 2020
on the fragility of time
for cello and voice (2020)
In the spring of 2020, the world saw itself in what seemed a never-ending stretch of tumultuous times. When my friend Elizabeth Kate Hall-Keough commissioned this piece in May of 2020, I began composing while paralyzed in a time of sorrow and turbulence, uncertainty and fear. For the several quarantined months that followed, time simply seemed so frail. Challenges continued to come to the forefront one after another, both across the world and among individual lives, and I couldn’t help but continuously question the meaning of time. In some ways, time seemed go to so much faster than I could keep up – the news got darker exponentially day by day. But in other ways, time seemed so much slower, so stretched out, with pain, fragility, weakness and vulnerability more acute and infinite.
Overall life felt inexplicably ever-changing, complex, and fluid. Quarantine made me realize how microscopically we live our life at times, both in an individual as well as communal sense. Time can make us selfish, or on the other hand, make us realize the ways in which we may not have been selfish enough. Our perception of time can be warped to intentionally include or exclude certain elements, both uplifting and painful. The feeling of suspended time, imposed by the pandemic, can rob us from a sense of purpose. And finally, love, or its absence, can manipulate the way we experience time.
on the fragility of time is, then, a meditation and reflection of these complicated sentiments. It is in part a lullaby – an attempt to comfort oneself in moments of deep darkness. But it's also pondering, haunting, and at moments harsh. On one hand, I composed intending for the audience to experience time literally slowing down as they listen, to lull the listener into subconscious meditation and self-reflection. But the piece is also one way of conveying the confusing, cluttered emotions and thoughts that have consciously and subconsciously plagued my mind over the last many months about myself, those around me, and our planet.
I feel very lucky to be able to process these complicated times from a distance, and recognize that I am only on the outskirts of the incredibly challenging experiences of those facing effects of the pandemic, systemic racism, natural disaster, violence, and more headfirst. This piece is not focused on capturing my own experience but rather seeks to create an environment that invites listeners to reflect on their own experiences. Working on this piece and collaborating with Elizabeth during a time where so much felt impossible was such a wonderful experience, and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to be creating music during this time.
October 24th, 2020 – Kulas Recital Hall, Oberlin Conservatory
March 2021 – Warner Hall, Oberlin Conservatory